Dear Journal, hi! it's me, Doug.
I checked my facebook account today
and Patti Mayonnaise accepted my friend request

It took me half an hour to think of what to write on her wall
before I settled for the nonchalant in “Hey, whats goin on”
instead of “Patti you're the Mayonnaise for me, woah woah woah!”

I pass the time by sifting through her 23 photo albums,
then the 47 profile pics, and all 268 of the pictures she was tagged in
wondering why a majority of them were taken in bathrooms.

Then I n...

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