Dear Journal, hi! it's me, Doug.
I checked my facebook account today
and Patti Mayonnaise accepted my friend request

It took me half an hour to think of what to write on her wall
before I settled for the nonchalant in “Hey, whats goin on”
instead of “Patti you're the Mayonnaise for me, woah woah woah!”

I pass the time by sifting through her 23 photo albums,
then the 47 profile pics, and all 268 of the pictures she was tagged in
wondering why a majority of them were taken in bathrooms.

Then I notice her Honesty Box
and realize that this may be my chance
to let her know anonymously but know none-the-less
that when it comes down to it...

Patti, I’d eat liver and onions for you,
sing along to the beat of The Beet’s “Oh eee ooh, killer tofu”
whenever we needed to reminisce and if “there’s a bomb in the lasagna”
I’ll be the first to dive on it and protect you

Since for a while now I’ve wanted to step
into the spotlight like Waa-na-naaaaa! Jack Bandit!
and steal the show your heart’s been starring in.

Patti, I’ve always loved how your hair mimics a sunflower’s bloom
and even though the petals have been trimmed
that face is still the most beautiful mosaic of florets.

Your voice has always been the perfect sheet of music
a giver of life to the inanimate whenever I find myself
“Bang'n on the trash can, drum'n on the street light, play'n on my banjo
one little voice is calling me” back and forth from every daydream.

Which leads me back to another journal entry
about a girl with heliotrope hair
that smiles like she stole May

Source: Brandon Berkley